Hot girls, beware this cautionary tail.
Booming butt bombs — flatulence, toots, poots, farts — are the pungent, piercing byproducts of Brazilian bikini waxes, warns one red-cheeked bombshell this summer.
“If you are going to get a Brazilian wax. If your backside is about to get the hair ripped out, and you’re going to be as smooth as a baby’s butt, that’s awesome,” Sarah Baus, a South Carolina-based content creator, assured her one million virtual viewers.
“Here’s the thing nobody tells you,” the influencer advised. “Let’s talk physics. When you pass gas, I’m dead serious, when you pass gas, your butt hair gives some friction — it gives something for things to pass through.”
“When you rip that out, nothing!” continued Baus. “Silent farts are not a thing.”
Well, that stinks.
Hers is a resounding, rank reality check for pinups who prefer boasting bald bottom-halves on beaches, at pools and in the bedroom.
And sadly, Baus isn’t just blowing smoke.
Courtney Claghorn, the founder of SUGARED + BRONZED — a specialty grooming salon in New York, California and beyond — tells The Post axing those downstairs hairs can cause what’s being virally referred to as “bikini farts.”
“Removing hair does leave you with smooth, bare skin, so I can understand the theory that increased skin-to-skin contact, especially when there’s moisture involved, could occasionally create some unexpected noises,” said the pro, admitting, however, that the majority of her clients have never complained about louder cranks.
“If increased skin-to-skin contact causes these sounds, keeping the area cool and dry and wearing loose, breathable underwear and clothing may help reduce the amount of friction and moisture between the skin,” added Claghorn. “Once the skin has settled, a gentle, fragrance-free moisturizer can help keep bare skin comfortable without irritating the area.”
“After a Brazilian, we recommend waiting at least 24 hours before getting intimate with a partner or 48 hours if you’re particularly prone to ingrown hairs.”
Unfortunately, it seems Baus wasted no time finding out the post-waxing effects of tooting her own horn.
“Whap-pop-pop-pop-pop-pow! That’s what your cheeks do, okay,” said the whistleblower, mimicking the sounds exploding out of her heinie. “There’s no such thing as silent farts [anymore].”
And embarrassed beauties across the internet agreed.
“Dude… I felt so uncomfortable with how loud EVERY. SINGLE. FART. was,” confessed a culprit.
“My farts have been putting my husband’s to shame since I started getting waxed,” another admitted
“But on the positive, that first poo like a seal gliding down the ice,” a separate smooth operator said.
“Little life hack for [bikini farts],” chimed another in the know, “if you cup and pull one [buttcheek] while you fart, there won’t be any noise because you’ve pulled away the part that makes noise.”
