When I signed up to try a bunch of health and aging tests for The Post, I knew there would be blood.
I just didn’t realize how much blood I’d have to surrender.
I’ve undergone several fertility treatments over the years, so I’m used to constant blood draws. But that’s usually one or two vials — not a dozen or more at once — and the longevity tests often require an overnight fast as well.
Luckily, it was not in vein. Through these tests, I’ve learned a lot about my hormones, nutrient levels and liver function and received advice on how to eat and age better as a 43-year-old mom.
There are dozens of these test kits on the market — I quickly figured out they’re not created equal.
Some exist to sell you supplements, while others are designed to be taken repeatedly, often costing hundreds of dollars each time.
The best tests clearly explain how the results were generated, putting findings into context and offering specific recommendations — rather than vague tips like “eat healthier” or “exercise more.”
Here’s a look at six tests I’ve taken, which measured everything from my exposure to microplastics to my risk of inflammatory bowel disease and my vitamin D levels. None, unfortunately, assessed my arm pain after these draining blood draws.
Cost: $135
Famed biohacker Bryan Johnson and his Blueprint team devised this measure of harmful plastic particles in your blood. Research suggests that these ubiquitous fragments can accumulate in the body and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, infertility and certain types of cancer.
Test takers prick their finger and smear the blood on a card that’s sent to a special lab for analysis.
This was more a test of my 10-year marriage than anything. Instead of using the standard, simple plastic lancet for diabetics, Blueprint provides a scary metal needle to reduce plastic exposure.
I struggled so much to prick my finger that my husband offered to help. He ended up yelling at me, “Are you a vampire? How come you’re not bleeding?”
The results weren’t worth the effort. The report indicated that I was “above range” for small and medium-sized microplastics and “in range” for large ones, but it didn’t really explain what that meant.
I was hoping someone would walk me through what could be my greatest sources of exposure. Instead, I guess I’ll be tossing out all the plastic in my home — and that darn metal lancet.
Cost: Memberships start at $365 per year, which includes over 160 lab tests
The test I took required an eight-hour fast and two visits to a local lab that were scheduled around my menstrual cycle.
At the first blood draw, my arm simply could not produce enough for 12 vials. I easily rescheduled the test, gave 12 vials and then returned another day to give eight. I also had to pee in a cup.
I got results for 117 biomarkers — from my antibodies and electrolytes to my cholesterol and biological age (29.3!).
The clinician notes that accompanied my report delved into the 15 main biomarker categories.
“Focusing on balancing your cholesterol, boosting your omega-3 intake and addressing your hormonal and nutrient levels may enhance your heart health, energy and overall wellbeing,” read one suggestion.
Cost: $65 for the men’s or women’s optimal health biomarker test, memberships start at $25 a month
The standard test evaluates over 40 biomarkers. Blood is drawn at a local lab.
Hone offered me a “sneak peek at the VIP process that happens off the platform.”
The company sent a phlebotomist to my home, which was really convenient.
Unfortunately, Hone wanted an overnight fast and an astonishing 19 vials at one time. I balked — we agreed upon 15.
I filled out a lengthy survey about my lifestyle habits and had an hour-long video consultation with two physicians, who gave me the most detailed recommendations to date.
The advice included medications to discontinue, supplements to increase, symptoms to monitor and outside testing to undergo.
Cost: $1,099.99
Molecular You promises that only two (!) vials are needed for its health assessment. A phlebotomist was sent to my home for my retrieval.
I was given health scores that reflected my risk of developing 13 conditions, including inflammatory bowel disease, Type 2 diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease and depression.
The 45-minute consultation with a Molecular You scientist was very helpful. He pointed out my high levels of proline, an amino acid that’s deeply involved in metabolism.
He noted that an abundance of proline is linked to metabolic stress and potential insulin resistance.
For overall health, he suggested a low-carb diet, omega-3 supplements, green tea, Brazil nuts, more water and retesting in six months.
Cost: $249
Mercifully, this was a cheek swab. A kit was sent to my home, I collected some cells from my mouth, and I mailed them to the lab.
Tally Health analyzed over 200,000 DNA methylation sites to estimate my TallyAge, a reflection of how my cells and organs are aging.
Mine was 36.9, roughly 5.7 years younger than my chronological age at the time.
I also filled out a lifestyle survey that asked about my mental health, diet, fitness and sleep habits.
The idea is to improve upon those routines and swab your cheek twice a year to see if you’ve lowered your TallyAge.
Cost: The Ring AIR retails for $349, and Blood Vision plans start at $99 every six months or $365 annually
I’ve been wearing the Ultrahuman Ring AIR for several months. I’ve found the sleep and resting heart rate features to be the most insightful.
I took the Blood Vision test, which required a lab visit and a whopping 15 vials of blood.
The results were sent to the Ultrahuman app. I got a Blood Age of 41 based on 106 biomarkers, including vitamin D, pancreatic enzymes, heavy metals and omega fatty acids.
AI in the app examined all that information — plus the sleep, exercise and heart rate data from the ring — to suggest that I should eat more fatty fish and pumpkin seeds, take omega-3 fish oil and zinc supplements, reduce stress and, oh yeah, exercise more.
