Valerie Bertinelli did not hold anything back when it came to discussing her love life in her new memoir, Getting Naked: The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly Imperfect.
“I couldn’t crack the code of lasting love. Romance has never been easy for me, never even sane,” Bertinelli, 65, revealed in the book, published on Tuesday, March 10. “It’s a messy math equation — love, marriage, divorce — and I’m terrible at math. Worse at marriage.”
Bertinelli had two marriages in the public eye. She wed the late Eddie Van Halen in 1981, and they were together for more than two decades, welcoming son Wolfgang Van Halen before their 2007 split.
“Ed and I were amicable through the most difficult times of our split,” she wrote in the book, noting that they had love for each other up until his October 2020 death at age 65.
This was something Bertinelli, admittedly, did not experience after her second marriage came to an end. She wed Tom Vitale 2011, splitting more than a decade later in 2022.
“How could I have continued to feel love for Ed after our divorce but have no feelings — neither good nor bad — for my second husband after fifteen years of togetherness?” Bertinelli wondered. “Hopefully that will change over time. I can already feel myself softening. I’ve reached a point of indifference and grace, which is so much healthier than hanging on to anger.”
Keep scrolling for Bertinelli’s quotes about her marriages and divorces from Getting Naked:
Her ‘Model’ of Love
Bertinelli wrote that she’s “the child of parents who kept secrets from us and each other,” explaining that there was a lot of “dishonesty” in her parents’ marriage.
“I didn’t know the details, but like many children, I sensed it, and speaking as a twice-married, twice-divorced woman, that’s affected my own relationships,” she wrote. “I’m wary of intimacy and unable to trust. Or I’m too trusting and hold on too long. I’ve been in love. I think I might want to fall in love again.”
Having Love for Eddie
Despite their divorce, there was always love between Bertinelli and Eddie. They even made things right before he died.
“He wanted to make it right with me, too,” she wrote. “I was told that every time I would walk out of a room, he would look around and say, ‘The biggest mistake of my life was letting her go.’”
The Downfall of Her 2nd Marriage
Bertinelli wrote that she hosted “several” seasons of Valerie’s Home Cooking on Food Network — which lasted from 2015 to 2023 — while her marriage to Vitale was “falling apart.”
While “no one knew” at the time, she can tell when watching episodes back. “I can watch and see when chopping onions wasn’t the only reason I had tears in my eyes,” she wrote.
Bertinelli wrote that drinking was “a way to escape” as “the wheels came off” her relationship with Vitale. (She has since stopped drinking.)
“Drinking was a way to escape. It helped me deal with the stress, disappointment, and pain of my life,” she added. “Then it helped me not deal.”
The Love Between Valerie and Tom
Her divorce from Vitale “hit so hard,” Bertinelli recalled.
“I thought what I had with Tom was love, but after we split, I found myself debating whether the love had been real. I doubted myself,” she wrote, noting that the end of her second marriage left her “angry.”
What Happened After Her 2nd Divorce
Bertinelli wrote that she had to decide between “obsessing about my weight and body” and facing “the hard truths” in her life.
“After my second marriage ended, something had to give or else I was going to end up an unhappy old lady — and what was the point of that?” she explained.
