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Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy was just as shocked as the rest of us when he digested the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s new song “Wood.”
Portnoy, 48, who is an avid Swiftie, took to social media after listening to Swift’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl, “three or four or five times.”
“I really did like the song ‘Wood’ the first couple times I listened to it,” Portnoy said in a video posted via Instagram on Friday, October 3.
However, after “chopping it up” on the message boards with other Swift fans, Portnoy came to the realization that the song was about the allegedly impressive genitalia of Swift’s fiancé, Travis Kelce.
“It’s about Travis’ d***?” Portnoy questioned. “And then you re-listen and it’s all, ‘Redwood tree’ and ‘I knew he had a big *** and hard rock and I have to catch the bouquet.’ No. No. I’m not bobbing and weaving and jamming to a song about Travis’ d***.”
He continued, “I’m a football guy and I’ve known Kelce a lot longer than I’ve known Taylor, so some of the songs you don’t want to get too into, ‘Oh, they’re talking about it like that.’ So, ‘Wood’ is out.”
The lyrics of “Wood” surprised many Swift fans after the release of The Life of a Showgirl on Friday, with lyrics like “Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see / His love was the key that opened my thighs” and “Seems to be that you and me, we make our own luck / New heights of manhood,” a reference to the podcast Travis cohosts with his older brother, Jason Kelce.
Scandal aside, Portnoy admitted The Life of a Showgirl failed to meet his high expectations.
“I was on the record saying I thought it would be my favorite album she’s ever had. It wasn’t that,” Portnoy said. “There’s some songs I like. Are any of them going to be mega, monster hits? I don’t know.”
He added, “Is it an all-time album? No. Did I think I was going to like it more? Yeah. Is it still T-Swift? Yes.”
Portnoy listened his five favorite favorite songs from the album in descending order, starting with “Honey,” which he called “catchy, beat-y.”
The others, in order, were “Eldest Daughter,” “The Life of a Showgirl,” “The Fate of Ophelia” and “Opalite” in his top spot.
“I think that has a chance to be a hit,” Portnoy said of “Opalite,” the third track on the album. “Very cool song. Happy-go-lucky.”
Portnoy said “Elizabeth Taylor” is the song that “could have slid in” to his top five.
Swift and Kelce, both 35, announced their engagement in August after two years of dating.
During an interview on BBC Radio 1 Breakfast with Greg James on Friday, Swift revealed that the couple are planning a “destination wedding.”
“He’s a blast,” Swift said about Kelce during the interview. “He’s just the most fun person, life of any party, even when it’s just us. That’s the goal, isn’t it? Find a best friend who you think is hot.”
