Gutfeld: Why are these conservatives endorsing Kamala Harris?

According to a recent report from USA Today, 238 Republican staffers signed a letter endorsing Kamala Harris. The letter claims that another Trump presidency would “irreparably damage our beloved democracy.” 

And although they disagree with the Dems, the alternative is “simply untenable.” Staffers worked for McCain, George W. Bush, Mitt Romney, meaning the same people who were also once deemed a threat to democracy by the Dems. How quickly the stupid forget. 

So how is it that 238 genuine conservatives are so offended they’re fleeing the GOP to glom onto the most liberal presidential candidate of our lifetimes? A lady unburdened by the weight of brain cells. 

A woman so left, she’s left reality. I mean, this is a crackpot who bailed out violent felons, wants to tax money you haven’t made yet, while also demanding that you pay for inmate sex changes. If she got any nuttier, you could feed her to an elephant. 

But the answer, as ever, is one-word: Trump. And it trumps everything. It’s never policy because they never mention it. Instead, they prattle on about nebulous fears while catering to a party that imports killers and rapists because, apparently, ours aren’t up to the job. And they wrote a similar letter in 2020. 

So how’d that work out? We know. It’s like being circumcised with a spork for the past four years. We could go through the list of disasters from the border to Afghanistan, crime, inflation, not to mention the odd staffing decisions. 

So shouldn’t these truth-tellers at least admit their endorsement came at a cost? Or could it be it didn’t cost them at all? They got a payoff — the media’s strange new respect, invitations to cocktail parties previously off-limits, a guest spot on CNN sniffing Jim Acosta’s farts. 

And so, after four years of left-wing lunacy, they went and did it again, as if nothing happened in between. And you know, it’s not a bad policy. Hell, even Harris is stealing Trump’s positions. 

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Instead, it’s that he refused to do it their way. So, in a way, it’s like suing the doctor who saved your life because he shaved your head to cut the tumor out. So now they’re on the warpath like Liz Warren at a Columbus Day parade. 

You know, it’s no question these Republicans took similar abuse from the left that Trump takes now. Every day, George W. Bush was called a war criminal. They deemed Romney a bigot, a cracker who’d put Blacks back in chains. And there’s McCain, who was loved by the media until he ran against Obama. Then he became the old reactionary bigot who’d bomb Iran and cause World War III. 

It’s obvious these Republicans are more full of **** than a hotel toilet at an IBS convention. They’re really just swamp rats terrified of the orange monster because he flipped the script. When Trump came along, nothing went according to plan. 

Republican or Democrat, there’s an approved way of doing these things. Approved pipelines to produce candidates. And Trump unclogged that pipeline with a fire hose filled with Ex-Lax. No wonder they act like they got their prostates punched by Mike Tyson. 

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But remember, the Dems may be able to capture 238 drones, but Trump got a Tulsi and an RFK, Jr. And that’s a trade that I will take any day because those two aren’t just signing letters, they’re putting themselves out there offering ideas and discussing solutions — people who are, like Trump, willing to break the mold. 

So if you’re truly radical, a rebel in the purest sense, how can you not do the same? You know, they sued Trump, they tried to arrest him, they tried to kill him, they changed laws and the ways we voted to prevent him from winning, they shamed, targeted and hoaxed, not just him, but also his supporters. 

What does that tell you? He’s scary. Scarier than a court-ordered orgy with “The View.” So, this is the moment when you ask, do you want to join a petition of **** or a pirate ship full of scary people? 

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The great thing about being on a pirate ship — you’ve already decided that you don’t give a **** what people think. You are free, freer than those petition-signing pansies. 

Unlike them, you aren’t desperate for acceptance. You are your own person. You don’t need to belong. You just need to be honest, especially on Nov. 5.