They wanted to talk about hot boys, not hot wars.
“Saturday Night Live” took on the Signalgate drama, spoofing the scandal by casting Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and Vice President JD Vance as accidentally stumbling into a text chain of high school girls — and sharing government secrets anyway.
The show opened with a group of girls bantering in a private chat group about a cute boy in their class.
“Wait, does anyone else think Mark Doogan is low-key hot with that haircut?” one girl wrote in the chat.
Others quickly agreed before their chat moved in a deadly serious direction.
“FYI. Greenlight on Yemen raid. Airborne 15 minutes ago. Who’s ready to glass some Houthi rebels? Flag emoji, flag emoji, flag emoji, flag emoji, flag emoji, fire emoji. Eggplant,” SNL’s Defense Pete Hegseth (Andrew Dismukes) wrote.
“Israel better bend over and spread it. Cleaning up their mess. Baller. Water squirter emoji,” Hegseth added, after identifying himself.
The girls in that chat were bewildered by the message and one replied, “Do we know you, bro? This is Jennabelle.”
“Oh nice, Jennabelle from Defense, right?” SNL’s Hegseth shot back.
“Hey, I think you have the wrong group chat,” another girl wrote back.
SNL’s Hegseth laughed off the warning, responding, “LOLOLOL, could you imagine if that actually happened?”
Instead, he doubled down and sent a “PDF with locations of all our nuclear submarines” while noting that the US had something “right outside Shanghai.”
One of the girls pleaded with the Pentagon chief to stop “sending us stuff.”
That’s when SNL’s Vice President JD Vance (Bowen Yang) chimed in from Greenland — quipping about the veep’s visit to the Danish territory, “no one knows why I’m here, especially me.”
“Bro, Egypt owes us big time for this Yemen chiz POTUS is saying we should make them give us the pyramids,” Vance lamented.
In the real-life leaked Signal chat, Vance had complained that the US had to carry out the strikes against the Houthi rebels despite Europe having a far larger percentage of trade flowing through the Red Sea and, therefore, had more at stake with the terror group’s attacks.
After concluding that she was Jennabelle from the Department of Homeland Security, Vance shared a “PDF of all undercover CIA agents.”
Then, pretend Secretary of State Marco Rubio joined the chat and decided to share the “real JFK files, not those fake ones we released.”
That seemed to be the last straw for the ladies in the chat, with one telling the pretend Trump administration officials that “we’re in high school” and that they “accidentally added us to a government chat.”
“In that case, we were totally pranked,” pretend Rubio said, before asking for their home addresses so they could be deported.
Eventually, SNL’s version of the Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg (Mikey Day) emerged, having been in the Signal chat the whole time, and begged Hegseth to “lose my number.”
Last week, the real-life Goldberg published a bombshell story recounting how he had inadvertently been added to a Signal chat between national security adviser Mike Waltz, Vance, Hegseth, Rubio and 14 others to discuss the March 15 strike against the Houthis.
In that chat, Hegseth had shared specific attack plans to strike the Houthis, giving Goldberg roughly two hours’ notice before the strikes took place.
President Trump has stood by his deputies amid the scandal.
