It’s a moment burned into my brain: Half-asleep mid-massage, I was jolted awake by my masseuse’s warm breath just inches from my face, spit glistening on his braces as he asked me to flip over.
Jarring? To say the least. The unsolicited life story that followed didn’t exactly enhance the pricey experience either.
Now, a first-of-its-kind spa is offering New Yorkers a welcome alternative: the Cloud Touchless Massage, a fully automated experience that swaps human hands for high-tech robotics to deliver affordable, customizable calm.
“People come to Cloud because they want all the benefits of a massage without the awkwardness of being touched or making small talk,” Bo Peabody, founder of Cloud Touchless Massage, told The Post.
“For people who value self-care but do not have hours and hundreds of dollars to spend at a spa, Cloud offers a transformative escape at a fraction of the cost of traditional treatments.”
Since launching in Union Square this summer, Cloud has signed up more than 500 members — and they’re planning to expand to other locations across the city.
Putting the chair to the test
When I first heard about Cloud, I was skeptical. How much relief could a souped-up massage chair really provide?
The company claims their machines are capable of replicating the precision and care of a skilled therapist, using airbag technology to deliver ten targeted treatments that can be tailored to fit your needs.
Fresh off my awkward encounter with the brace-faced masseuse, I was more than ready to see if these robotic chairs could live up to the hype.
Inside the studio, the chairs are tucked away in private, dimly lit suites. Other than taking off your shoes, you stay fully clothed during the treatment.
Each session lasts 20 minutes, but there’s no time limit to your visit — members can do as many treatments as they’d like, and even come back later the same day for another round at no extra cost.
Next to the chair is a screen that lets you choose your treatment, with options like “Sports Recharge,” “Office Chair Repair,” “Extend and Bend” and “Working Relief.”
Feeling stiff from a day at my desk, I picked the “Morning Stretch,” which uses Swedish and Shiatsu techniques to improve flexibility and lengthen the spine and legs.
I added their warming eye mask, which massages the temples and face. Guests can also opt for a guided meditation for a little extra zen.
I was able to customize my experience, including turning on the heat, adjusting the pressure and choosing which parts of my back and legs to focus on. There’s even an option to turn off the foot massager if you’re ticklish like me.
It became clear quickly: This isn’t your dad’s average Barcalounger.
I was surprised by how comfortable it felt, the plush cushioning wrapping around me as I sank into the seat.
Then the action began: Rollers moved down my spine and calves, while airbags applied pressure to my torso, legs and glutes, easing me into a slow, steady stretch. I cranked up the intensity, letting the chair knead and relax my muscles.
I also tested the “Rock-A-Bye” treatment, which combines multiple massage techniques with a gentle rocking motion.
The rhythmic sway was instantly soothing, as the chair worked my back, arms and legs simultaneously, lulling me into a blissful semi-slumber.
There was just one major downside: The chairs stopped at the upper back, so they couldn’t perform any neck or head massages.
Was it as precise or sensitive to subtle body cues as a human touch? Not quite. And it doesn’t come with the pampering perks of a traditional spa — no fluffy robes, essential oils or soothing lotions here.
But for what it was, the Cloud chairs impressed me, especially for the price: A single session costs $19. A once-a-week membership runs $49 per month, while unlimited access is just $89 per month.
Even at the highest tier, Cloud is still cheaper than a standard one-hour massage in New York City — and you can come as often as you want, for as long as you want.
Massage, one of the oldest wellness practices, has been linked to a wide range of health benefits, from easing muscle tension and boosting circulation to strengthening the immune system and relieving pain.
It’s also been shown to lower stress, anxiety, and depression, while promoting deeper, more restful sleep.
“Our mission is to be the world’s most accessible and affordable wellness option,” Peabody said.
If you want to try Cloud for yourself, the company is offering free 30-minute demos. Unlike members, walk-ins need a reservation to book a chair.
