“It was a tough night for all of Biden’s staffers watching from the White House, because every time people clapped, the lights went on and off.” — JIMMY FALLON
Contents“It’s the same thing every year: One side stands and claps, the other side sits still, not having any fun. It reminds me of my cousin’s wedding: [imitating a shouting relative] ‘I give it six months!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now, Biden also talked about his achievements. He said, ‘We passed an infrastructure bill, we reduced inflation and we finally convinced Tom Brady to retire, so I think it’s a great year.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“In his speech, Biden called for bipartisanship and unity. He was like, ‘As Democrats and Republicans, we have one common goal to mishandle classified documents.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Balloon Assassination Victory Lap Edition)
“President Biden delivered his second State of the Union address tonight. Oh, you mean his balloon assassination victory lap?” — SETH MEYERS
“Now Biden’s speech took place after we taped this show, but according to a preview from the White House, Biden used the opportunity to call for a so-called ‘billionaire tax,’ at which point, billionaires yelled ‘Good luck with that!’ and blasted off to Mars.” — JAMES CORDEN
“There was wall-to-wall coverage of the State of the Union on all the major networks, like NBC, ABC and CBS. Meanwhile, Netflix is, like, ‘ka-ching!” — JIMMY FALLON
“And according to reports, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy personally requested that Biden not use the phrase ‘extreme MAGA Republicans’ during the State of the Union address. He asked Biden to please use a more inclusive term, like ‘insurrectionist Americans.’” — JAMES CORDEN
“That wasn’t all. McCarthy also asked Biden not to call George Santos an ‘extremely delusional Republican,’ but instead refer to him by his correct title, ‘seven-time Grand Slam winner George Santos.’” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
The model and entrepreneur Ashley Graham stopped by “The Daily Show” to “keep it real” in a conversation about body confidence with the guest host Chelsea Handler.
