Billie Lourd admitted she’s feeling “griefy but grateful” as she marked the eighth anniversary of her mom Carrie Fisher’s death.
Opening up about her complicated feelings about the sombre occasion, Lourd shared an emotional tribute alongside a throwback image of herself with her late mom via Instagram on Friday, December 27.
“It has been 8 years since my mom died. As my son would say “that’s a lot!” I always dread this day. I spend so much time leading up to it thinking about how awful I’m going to feel,” Lourd, 32, wrote, “And my dread is usually right. I woke up this morning with a dark cloud over me. But when my kids woke up the dark cloud dissipated and made way for bright glowing sunshine. Her death anniversary is like an emotional tropical storm. It pours rain a lot of the day but between the storms the light is more beautiful than on any day without storm clouds. There are no rainbows without rain.”
The actress went on to draw upon a similie to explain how it felt to grapple with her feelings of grief.
“There’s a great Anne Lamott quote, grief is ‘like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp’. And that describes how I feel today perfectly,” Lourd wrote.
She continued, “Yes, the grief weather is cold and yes I may have a limp but I am absolutely dancing through life (oops I quoted wicked?). And I am actually a better dancer with my limp. My grief has given me a deeper appreciation for all the little moments of life. So today I am griefful (griefy but grateful). I watch the magic that is my son and daughter and I know she is a piece of that magic. And I feel all the things. The grief. The joy. The longing. The magic. The emptiness. The fullness. And it all coexists in a profound way. Sending my love to everyone out there who needs it. ❤️”
Since Fisher’s death, Billie has welcomed son Kingston, 4, and daughter Jackson Joanne, 2, with partner Austen Rydell.
Fisher died in December 2016 at the age of 60 after suffering a heart attack. One day later, Fisher’s mother, Debbie Reynolds, died of a stroke at the age of 84.
In the years since her mother and grandmother passed, Lourd has often opened up about her loss.
Last year, Lourd commemorated the anniversary of her mom’s death with another poignant post.
“It has been 7 years since my mom died (but who’s counting?? Me I guess?),” Lourd wrote in December 2023. “Every anniversary brings a different iteration of my grief. Some infuse me with rage, some make me cry all day long, some make me feel dissociated and empty, some make me feel nothing, some make me feel guilty for feeling nothing, and some make me feel all of those things all at once.”
The Scream Queens alum also acknowledged in December 2021 that processing grief is “never simple.”
“I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day,” Lourd wrote via Instagram. “My grief is a multi-course meal with many complicated ingredients. An amuse bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert.”
She continued: “And that’s how grief should be – all things all at once – actually there is no ‘should’ in grief – grief just is whatever it is for you and that is how it ‘should be.’”
