Bill Simmons could not resist having some fun at the expense of Travis Kelce’s apparent girth during the Kansas City Chiefs’ appearance on Sunday Night Football.
Kelce, 36, is the presumed subject of an eyebrow-raising song on his fiancée Taylor Swift’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl.
“It’s a little bit of a deep cut on the Taylor Swift album,” Simmons, the founder of The Ringer, explained Monday, October 13, on his mega-popular “The Bill Simmons Podcast.” “But it was a very controversial song on the album called ‘Wood,’ which people thought was about Travis Kelce’s healthy manhood.”
Simmons, 56, said the song led to plenty of fodder while watching the Chiefs’ primetime game against the Detroit Lions on Sunday, October 12.
“We were just calling him Wood the whole game,” he joked. “And it was very enjoyable. It’s like, ‘[Patrick] Mahomes, get it to Wood!’ This clearly should be his nickname.”
Simmons added, “She wrote this whole gushing love song about his sexual prowess. He should just be Travis ‘Wood’ Kelce. ‘I mean, you see why Taylor’s smiling. Wood’s just getting it done.’ Just call him Wood. It’s positive! Just praising him.”
Swift, 35, has not publicly confirmed that “Wood” is about Kelce, but it’s not difficult to read between the lines when dissecting the lyrics.
“Seems to be that you and me, we make our own luck / New heights of manhood,” Swift says on the track, an assumed reference to the podcast Kelce cohosts with his older brother, Jason Kelce.
Swift also sings, “Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see / His love was the key that opened my thighs.”
While Simmons delighted in the lyrical content of “Wood,” diehard Swiftie and Barstool Sports founder, Dave Portnoy, didn’t quite get the same satisfaction out of the song.
“It’s about Travis’ d***?” Portnoy questioned in a video posted via Instagram on October 3. “And then you re-listen and it’s all, ‘Redwood tree’ and ‘I knew he had a big *** and hard rock and I have to catch the bouquet.’ No. No. I’m not bobbing and weaving and jamming to a song about Travis’ d***.”
Travis and Jason, 37, addressed the lyrical content of “Wood” on the October 8 episode of “New Heights.”
“Do you feel — not confident — do you feel cocky about the song ‘Wood’?” Jason asked his younger brother. Travis responded, “No, any song that she references me in…,” before Jason cut him off.
“That’s not just any song,” Jason argued. “This is a very specific you.”
Travis continued to play dumb, responding, “I love that girl, so what do you mean?”
“Well, it’s not just you, though,” Jason continued. “It’s an appendage. It’s a very specific thing.” Jason insinuated that Swift using the word “redwood” as a descriptor, however, was “generous.”
“I think if someone wrote a song about me, it would be like Japanese maple,” Jason joked with a huge laugh. “That song’s great, though. The beat to that song is fantastic. That’s right up my alley, so well done. I think it’s a great song.”
