Anthony Hopkins and his first wife, Petronella Barker, did not have a great marriage.
“Petronella and I were very different from each other, but we were in love,” Hopkins, 87, wrote in his We Did OK, Kid memoir, released on Tuesday, November 4.
The former couple tied the knot in September 1967, and “what followed were the worst two years of my life,” Hopkins wrote, noting that their “opposing personalities” and his struggles with alcohol had “doomed the relationship from the start.”
Hopkins wrote that when they realized “how awful a match we were,” Barker was already pregnant. They welcomed “beautiful” daughter Abigail in August 1968.
“We tried to rally for the sake of the child we were about to have, but it was no use. The marriage was a disaster, full of tensions and jealousies,” Hopkins wrote. “I began to get more acting work, which caused resentment. And I felt huge pressure to pay our mortgage and provide for the family.”
Despite the highs and lows of their relationship, Hopkins had an abundance of love for his daughter.
“I marveled that such a lovely creature had come out of such a destructive union,” he wrote. “How powerful, I thought, that even in the midst of the horror that was that marriage and my own failures, there were those tender moments with her. Her nursery was a haven.”
Fighting was frequent for Hopkins and Barker. However, things “reached a new pitch” between the pair one evening.
“I returned from working on location in Scotland. Exhausted after endless days on set and the long trip home, I set down my suitcases in the hall,” he claimed. “Before my coat was off, Petronella was mocking me.”
Hopkins noted he had “never been physically violent” but that nearly changed.
“In that moment, I was filled with such revulsion that I became afraid for both myself and her,” he wrote. “Without a word, I walked past her into Abigail’s room, where she lay sleeping.”
Hopkins “whispered goodbye” to his daughter for the last time.
“I walked back to the hall, picked up my suitcases, and left the house without ever having removed my coat,” he said. “I’d been with Petronella for two years. I’d almost left many times. But that was the night I knew I had to get out for good. Otherwise, God knows what the consequences would have been.”
Leaving the marriage led to an estranged relationship with his daughter, which is also detailed in the book. Elsewhere in his memoir, Hopkins said that he tried to make amends with Baker and Abigail in 1997, after giving up alcohol.
“The meeting was awkward,” he wrote. “We put up a good front, but obviously so much damage had been done. They didn’t want me there.”
While there were brief moments where he and Abigail got along, she eventually “drifted away” and things between them are still rough.
“Abigail never seemed able to forgive me for leaving the family when she was a baby. She had her reasons. I can’t blame her for that,” the actor added. “That’s life. But it was and is a tremendous source of pain.”
